Egalitarian Duplicity

“The very existence of government at all, infers inequality. The citizen who is preferred to office becomes the superior to those who are not, so long as he is the repository of power, and the child inherits the wealth of the parent as a controlling law of society.” — James Fenimore Cooper, ‘The American Democrat’.

…

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” — Thomas Jefferson, ‘The Declaration of Independence’.

Perhaps one of the most irritatingly overused and abused quotes used among pseudo-intellectuals to justify their hackneyed, brain washed arguments and “logic”. It has been so over-utilized in our era that many have even begun to perceive it to have a biblical basis, where it does not. (More on that later.)

What’s, perhaps, the most appalling about it is that it’s so often para-phrased, misquoted and misconstrued, that it has taken the course of a philosophy that it was never meant to be associated with.

The American colonists, during and before the Revolutionary War of the United States, wrote the Declaration of Independence in response to a mandate of heaven (id est, divine right or born superiority) imposed by the King of England during that time period.

Its implication was not that we are all equal in every respect and that there is no such matter as superiority and inferiority and that total egalitarianism is the only recourse for government. Actually, such a philosophy would lean more toward a Communist government than a Democracy/Socialist Republic. What these words entailed was that God does not give anyone Divine Right of Kings.

What these famous words also did was allow for a righteous outlook toward the “unalienable rights” of a government’s citizens. Enacting that they have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The Declaration further boasts the idea that a government is in place to ensure the stability of a nation and if a government fails to acknowledge such, its citizens have the right to overthrow it.

That, my friends, is what the aforementioned quote entails. Not that we are all born of some identical strand of DNA that makes us carbon copies of one another.

This quote has gone to such exceeding lengths by misinformed, delusional pseudo-intellectuals that it has found its way into biblical discussion and even well read Christians believe that these words were uttered somewhere in the Bible’s context. But, in all actuality, said texts affirm a distinction between individuals. Squander your time cycling through your Bible or searching online; you will find nothing that validates the view that all people are equal.

So, why, then, is society so baned by the concept of a superior specimen — an alpha male, of sorts? Barring, of course, the obvious inferiority complex that plagues the hearts of man, it’s a standardized philosophical doctrine that has made for itself an extravagantly vigorous stronghold stagnated by a chorus of sheep, reciting the perceived credentials of its values. In other words, it’s been polluted into our minds by the media and voices that we are meant to trust at a young age and ingrained into our cerebral cortex. Ergo, you’re being brain washed before you’re even old enough for it to be considered brain washing.

With such an outlook toward life advocated by programs like Disney, Nickelodeon and other franchises that teach our children values like “don’t cheat”, “do well in school”, “be honest” and other fundamental assets, we take such a philosophy and put it in conjunction with ethical principles such as “don’t bully someone.”

Without it being challenged adamantly, people are wrapped into this web of thinking — allowing the television and media agendas to think for them — and it eventually becomes a majority view. Once it becomes a majority’s outlook, then it becomes even more difficult to view as “wrong” or “flawed” because it seems to be a matter of common sense, when in reality, it’s not.

Such a philosophy is a way for losers to validate their loss to a winner. As a hypothetical, lets imagine a debate between two people of the highest intellectual quotients on the planet. Quite obviously, there is going to be a winner. As a byproduct, there has to be a loser because for every winner, there is (at minimum) one loser.

The winner is, of course, celebrating and stands on top, proudly. As he should. Now, how do you think the loser feels? Inferior, perhaps? So, what is the logical thing to do here? It’s not enough that the judges will give him a medal for effort, but now, our loser has to validate his loss in his mind with such anecdotes as “everyone is equal!” He will, then, begin to critically examine his subordinate and attempt to address any flaw he can find in this individual to further validate his own sense of consciousness.

But that is why he will never be as good as our winner. Because instead of saying “I lost, but I’ll get ‘im next time,” he spends his times looking for ways to feel better about his loss. Thereby, wasting time that can be used to be prepared for round two.

The fact of the matter is that we’re not all equal. If you threw everyone into the middle of the ocean, do you think they would all live? Do you think they would all die? No, some would live and some would die because we are not equal.

That’s not to say that equality doesn’t exist, but it’s not an absolute concept. To claim that all people are equal is to oppose many biblical concepts. In addition, it contradicts the very concept of natural selection and survival of the fittest.

So, when I say that I am better than Random Moron 63, it’s not because I’m a jerk. It’s because I’m being honest when it comes to the bare view of how the world works.

Njord’s Guide to Having Standards

Making the rules for playing your game

Many times, girls and guys come to me with questions like “My boyfriend cheated on me, what should I do??” or “My boyfriend is in jail for something he promised he would never do again…should I stick with him or move on?” and even “There’s this nice guy who’s always showering me with unearned compliments and gifts, always making me feel special…but I don’t know if I should date him because he never says ‘NO’!” Questions like these irk me to an extent because I feel like one should already know the somewhat obvious answers. However, I forget that not everyone has lived my life, and as teenagers it’s your job to make mistakes, get hurt, and be happy in relationships in order to grow as a person for the more important relationships in the future. So, Uncle Njord is going to try and help you ease some of the troubles you may have in finding the right person, so that your relationship doesn’t die a fiery death of incompatibility and sexual frustration.

One of the number one ways to start off in the right direction is to figure out what your standards are. Standards are basically your personal guidelines to certain traits and behaviors that your potential fuck-buddy should have. Think of yourself as a knight: your mind already makes up your body armor from desires buried deep inside you. You may not know you need a father-figure type guy, or an extremely caring girl, but your mind does, and will block out the attempts of all others who don’t fill this role. Your standards are an iron shield, working as a conscious blockade against things you don’t want. Now, it’s extremely difficult to do this right, because what you may think you want could be completely off kilter to what you really need. But we’re at least going to try and keep you from throwing yourself to the dogs.
Why do I need this? Why can’t I just let love happen!!? Well look at the questions above. You run into things completely ignorant, and then you get hurt repeatedly by people that shouldn’t be in your life. Next thing you know, you’re a lonely hermit, singing Nobody Knows on a New York subway for 16 hours a day. However, you do have a point. You can’t really help who you become attracted to. However, having standards builds up your defenses against things that wouldn’t be healthy for you. So even if you do meet the perfect guy/girl, if you know they’re inherent cheaters, and you just cannot accept cheating for any reason, it will be a lot easier for you to let that person go when you have concrete rules for yourself to do so. Less tears. I promise. It’s in a book somewhere.

How to create Standards: Time for an activity!!!

“Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards…absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.” - Anthony Robbins

• Grab a pen and paper, a blank Word document, or your angst filled LiveJournal.
• Create a heading that says, “What I want in a guy/girl” or something similar
• Make a list (bulleted or numbered) that outlines every single trait you want in a guy/girl: sex appeal, religious/political views, tastes in music, fashion style, etc. I don’t advocate putting down physical traits, since looks don’t matter when it comes to attraction. You don’t want to kill of the best guy for you, just because he doesn’t have blond hair. However, if you’re stuck on stupid for a Brazilian midget with robot arms and a party flare for a penis, then by all means.
• After you complete that, then draw a line, open a black document, or make a new entry in your emo-themed LiveJournal, and write as your heading, “What I do NOT want in a guy/girl”.
• Make another huge list, that is as detailed as you can get it. Describe personality traits that you can’t possibly deal with, along with quirks, habits, and hobbies that you know you’ll never want to be associated with. Automatically add “Emo*” as the first entry, unless you are emo. Then get to work killing yourself.

*Emo-fag, cutterfuck, dumbass, tittybitch, crybaby, and dirt are also acceptable terms for these people

• Now that you have this huge personality grid for your ideal lay, make another huge list titled “Rules of the Game” or whatever your creativity dictates as acceptable for a list of relationship rules. Here, you basically outline what you will, and will not deal with in a relationship. All your things like no cheating or lying, no open relationships, lack of communication, forgetting your birthday, etc. go here.
• Now take your pen, delete key, or razor (for LJ users) and strike-through traits that you think you could get along with in your DO NOT WANT! lists, along with good traits that you may be able to do without. This is to keep it all realistic. I’m not saying you should settle, but don’t describe Edward Cullen and expect him to come flying in on a silver pony (By the way, if you did this, don’t come back here). No one is perfect, so no relationship will be, and I don’t believe that any 2 people are so perfect for each other that they just compliment their spouse completely. Conflicts arise and compromises have to happen. Kill every standard, rule, trait, etc., that you honestly believe you can deal with for 3 months. If you can’t see yourself sticking it out for longer than that, then go ahead and keep it.
• Look it over and memorize what’s left. That way, when you meet a potential suitor, you’ll naturally begin to use that list to screen them out.

Final Note

• Constantly revise. If you’re a person worth a hill of beans, you have some sort of depth. Your personality and being is ever growing, and always changing. Experiences in our relationships, and lives, makes us different people everyday. So our needs and wants, when it comes to a relationship, change as well. Make sure your list stays up to date. It is a living and breathing entity now, constantly growing and adapting to who you are as a person and who you want to share yourself with, so treat it with care.

Hope your favorite Uncle was of major help. Having standards will make your relationships more enjoyable and healthier for both people. I promise. It’s in a book somewhere.

~Njord the Wise

Njord’s Guide to Hints (IOIs)

Your personal cheat sheet to understanding women

Let’s face it: females are complicated. You need a Secret Society Decoder Ring, high level code breaking ingenuity and comprehension skills to even wave at them. The way they talk, along with the things they do, can confuse the hell out of any logical young man. But what good would Uncle Njord be if he didn’t lay down the signs the ladies drop to let a man know that they’re interested? Well…I’d still be awesome, but you kids would continue to wallow in your pathetic nature, and all of your women would be sexually frustrated, which is like dealing with PMS*9000.

Alright, so hints, widely called Indicators of [Dis]Interest (IOIs or IODs), are subtle, or sometimes blatant clues a woman gives a man in order to let him know how she’s feeling in the interaction [approach, flirting, etc]. Though some may be obvious, many are subconscious for her, and she rarely does it on purpose, or knows why she’s doing it. In order for you to not fuck up flirting with your oblivious nature, here are some physical hints you can look for:

• Blushing
• Uncontrollable smiling, with hints that she’s trying to hide it
• Prolonged eye contact (seconds, and looks away if/when you hold it)
• Constantly brushing aside/playing with her hair, throwing it from her shoulders or prepping herself
• Entering your personal space
• Covertly touching you by brushing past, foot bumping against your leg, etc
• Turning her body towards you or leaning in to you in conversation
• Trying to impress you, such as acknowledging an interest in your type of music, or hobby, etc. (source LoveBullets)
• Opening up her body language
• “Tracing” her spots (e.g. neck, upper chest, legs/thighs, arms)
• Tracing you, usually done on the hand, or leg
• Biting/licking her lip and looking at yours
• Taking something of yours, and wearing it (e.g. hat, which is often the case)
• Accidental bumping, showing up in random places around the playground *i.e. stalking*, etc etc.
• Basically anything that you would do to when you really like a girl.
• Oh…I almost forgot, one of the biggest hints a girl can give you - only because I was 13 and slightly pathetic at the time when I first encountered it - when she takes your cellphone, wanting to “call her phone” for whatever reason. Chances are, she just wanted you to have her number.

So beyond the physical side, a LOT of women show their interest through the other spectrum of the body language ladder:

• Asks personal questions (name/age/style/etc)
• Laughs at everything. Even jokes that aren’t funny. (classic)
• Tries to continue a dead/stalling/slow conversation with “so…” (THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE!)
• Uses nicknames for you, or accepts yours for her
• Asks if you have a girlfriend (classic & devious)
• Seemingly innocent compliments, such as “You smell nice.” or “I like your jacket.” (source LoveBullets)
• Throws in “girlfriend” even though you haven’t mentioned one, just so you can say “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
• Laughs even though she disagrees with whatever you’re saying. “Lol No! Lion King is so stupid! Lol, I still watch it though.” etc. By the way, don’t date a cunt who says this.
• She giggles (classic)
• Playfully insults you (source LoveBullets)

Now every girl is different. Their personalities, shyness, forward attitudes, sex appeal, etc., will determine which hints you get, so you kind of have to be on alert when you approach a chick. The list is huge, so try not to constantly look for each one. Just search for signs of major ones, and if she’s not giving those, then dive deeper into it.

Now that you know what the hints are, and you can see her giving them to you, what the fuck do you do after she’s thrown 8, 9, 10, 86 at you? Fucking do something. This is the part when guys ass out on the girl, right when they realize that the girl is genuinely interested in them, usually for reasons they can’t comprehend. When a girl gives you 2-3 hints, go ahead and move on to actually flirting with her. Tell her she’s cute, ask for her number, see if she has a boyfriend, tell her she’s coming to hang out with you by the lockers and drag her off. However, don’t just stand there stalling out like a dunce. Then you get what I like to call Pussy-Whips. No, not pussy whipped. Pussy-Whips. Snipes a girl takes at you from her very snatch, because you’re making her uncomfortable by not moving on with the interaction. Her doing things like..

• Saying, “You’re boring me.” or “What?” after you say something *with a WTF look on her face..you’ll recognize it*
• Closing off her body language
• Looking off into the distance, or acting as if she’s looking for someone when you’re talking to her
• Stops you from touching her, or puts distance between you two
• She never laughs at your jokes
• Begins to ignore you
• She starts flirting with another guy, way more heavily than with you
• She calls her friends over and in a hilarious sequence of fabricated events, somehow disappears (this pretty much means you got rejected buddy)

…are basically ways of her saying, “man-up and come get me” since you obviously didn’t get the hint! Any girl will tell you that they get frustrated beyond all get-out when a guy just can’t take a hint, whether it’s to come fuck them silly, or to start walking quickly in the opposite direction.

So try to keep it together when you do finally gather the balls to approach. Know what to look for in order to make sure the girl is actually interested, and you’re not just creeping her out. Trust me, you should know when it happens because you’ll feel like a total dumbass and ask yourself that classic question, “Why did I do/say that??! Why why why!!!??” You’ll be taking a step in the right direction when you can finally move through flirting with ease, because you are sure that the girl wants you as much as you want her. I promise. It’s in a book somewhere.

~Njord the Wise

Njord’s Guide to Approaching

…What the hell is this? I was taking a much needed vacation, and here you kids are, sitting on my front porch…Again! Whatever, Uncle Njord has still got the stuff to make you kids great. But I’m already pretty awesome from the first few guides. Yeah, and you’re NOT sitting in Valhalla, you’re NOT with the girl of your dreams, and you’re NOT me. So, unfortunately, you can’t be awesome. On to glory.

So there’s a cute girl sitting across from you in class, standing in front of you in line at the movies, looking at sexy panties at Wal-Mart. A man once said, “Beauty is common” and that is true. There are beautiful women everywhere, and you will catch yourself wanting to talk to a lot of them, but usually, we’ll psyche ourselves out of it 99% of the time. Time to fuck that up the ass and run with it. Now, despite popular opinion, there is no professional service that goes out to “holla at bitches” for you.

This guy doesn’t exist.

What the hell is a young man to do with all these incredible women surrounding him and absolutely nothing on his mind to talk to them about? Does he ask his cute classmate for the answer to number 3? Does he tap movie girl on the shoulder to query her interests in film? Does he suggest the red instead of blue to the girl buying naughty underclothes at Wal-Mart?

That’s exactly what he does! Too many of you guys scour the internet for canned lines (basically pick up lines), drown your brain with the methods of cult-like PUA communities, and spend too much time racking your brain for incredible shit to say to a beautiful girl you see when the easiest thing you can do is just TALK.

However, there is a secret word that will get you in, easy. Every time. The number one thing you can say, and the easiest shit to remember, is so simple that you’ll kick yourself for not trying it. However, this isn’t for everyone. It took me years to discover the power of this approach and one was of the great laws of the universe Odin discovered only after giving an entire eye. I’m only sharing it with you because if you’re reading this, I know that you’re already on the path to glory. It’s only a matter of time before you discover it anyways, and maybe it is my destiny, my fate, my wyrd to share with you the powers of this world beyond human understanding. It will be incredibly hard to say this and believe that what you are doing will eventually get you the girl of your dreams, but it’s foolproof. I swear to you on the very halls of the All-Father.

The number one thing you can say when approaching a girl you don’t know is… and I hope you’re ready..

“Hi.”

You felt that didn’t you? You felt that release of power, saw the lights dimming, heard the wind rustling the leaves outside as the silent reading of this word invoked the very spirit of every woman on the planet.

Seriously now, and I shit you not, you can rarely go wrong by just walking up a girl and saying “Hi.” I promise. It’s in a book somewhere. You’ll have a dozen and a half fears holding you back, but fuck them. She, or her potential rejection, can’t kill you, and even if you completely embarrass yourself, you still won’t be dead. If you’ve ever seen American Gangster, you’ll find an incredible example of this. Frank Lucas sees the women who will be his future wife, walks up to her and the first thing out of his mouth is “Hi.” She smiles, says “Hi” and he’s golden from there, getting Puerto Rican ass for the rest of his life.

So, the next time you see a girl you want to talk to, just walk up with confidence, and say “Hi.” Ask her name, offer your hand and shake, and if you can’t think of shit else, then just say, “Well I just had to come over and introduce myself to such a cute/pretty/sexy/ravenous/schön girl. It was well worth it. Nice meeting you.” Smile and walk off. Girls like to give eye contact when they want you to approach, so if some chick looks at you way too long, take it as a hint to go tell her that she’s looking at you way too long.

Tips for the Approach:

• Never approach directly from behind. What would you do if some huge guy just appeared out of nowhere with, “Break Yo’self! Give me yo’ goddamn number!” Yeah…Girls shit their pants too. So don’t do that shit. Come at an angle. At least let them see you in their peripheral so she doesn’t scream, and you don’t end up alley-raped by the bouncers of Club 69.

• Keep your body language back. Ever had someone stand over you in a way that made you squirm? Like a teacher, peering over your desk during a test. That’s overbearing body language. Said person is encroaching your personal space, and unless you two are having sex, there’s no reason to be that close. Women feel the same. Don’t lean in until you’re sure that she’s interested in you. Face her at an angle for a few minutes. Don’t just rush her with all of your energy.

• Watch your energy. No one wants some hyped up 10 year old, high on Red Bull, sugar, and life, with an acute form of ADHD, bouncing up to them asking random questions about their sex life, the wife and kids, little Jimmy’s Minor League standings, their relationship with the Prince of Kadath or the last time they prayed to the FSM at the Star Trek Federation University. If you’re at a club, a school dance, or a party, try to match the energy of the person/group you’re approaching. Sometimes, slightly higher is good to get them on your level if you want to dance, or you’re in a hurry, etc. etc. In an urban setting, just stick with matching. Never be a downer. No one likes the downers.

• Keep your body language open. When you close yourself off, you’ll give off a “cold” vibe quickly with certain quirks like folding your arms in front of your chest, holding something there (i.e. drink, folder, hands in tit-cupping fashion), having your hands in your pockets, or crossing your legs with your knee facing her. It “closes” you off, as if you don’t want to talk to her. Read the body language guide for more details.

• Respect her personal space. I know I said something about encroaching earlier, but this is different. Imagine everyone being a foot taller and 100lbs bigger and stronger than you, each of said persons having the very real potential to kill you or pack your fudge tighter than a virgin’s lovebox on a snowy, Winter Sunday morning with her “Crazy Joe” Dad, threatening to host Alabama’s 3045th Shotgun wedding if anything sexual, or of the sort, goes down in his house. Yeah, I didn’t think you’d like it. Even if she invites you to approach, that doesn’t give you the explicit rights to fondle her body. Keep it lite, like you’d treat a little sister, with handshakes and light touches on the shoulder or elbows. But don’t go picking her up, trying to Gieco her home.

• Fucking smile. Not a goofy, clown guffaw and all, but you can just grin, smile deviously, encouragingly, etc - depending on the situation. Trust me, your emotions will literally mirror onto the person you’re talking to. Though I’ll explain most of this later, the gist of it is that we, as social beings, have a tendency to copy each others’ emotions - like when you find yourself smiling before the joke ends, or laughing just because 20 others are. If you’re nervous/uncomfortable, and show it, she’ll be like that as well, and could attribute that as a warning to not stick around you. Use your facial expressions to your advantage, and don’t keep them plastered on your face. You’ll just look stupid and insecure.
  

  and not as cool as this guy

All in all-

• Approach with confidence and a smile. Be warm and friendly. It helps. I promise. It’s in a book somewhere.

If I’m wrong, try to tell me so. You’ll be wrong, but at least you tried. Lots of love.

~Njord the Wise <3

A Dime a Dozen

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The first date is a tough time for any young man. After successfully gaining the attention of a beautiful, young maiden, the young man must then prove his mettle on an exclusive outing that will hopefully build upon a blossoming relationship. Of course, this young man might have a number of what can only be described as major quandaries invade and soon take over his mind:
What to say, where to go, and what to wear are all worried over for unreasonable amounts of time until the young man is somewhat pleased that his selections will appeal to the beautiful maiden. As he makes his way to her ever-so-humble abode, one last little quandary creeps into his mind. Should he, as a young man, show up at the door empty handed, or bearing gifts..such as flowers? Will she spurn his advances for not placating her? Even worse, what if she rejects him for being too forward? What if she’s allergic to flowers? Oh, god what if the flowers kill her???
Have you ever been in this young man’s position? Ladies, do guys have better chances of wooing you if he shows up on your porch with a dozen, red ones?

Should guys bring flowers on the first date?

Next Page »