Eh?
Why is there no way out for Baldr?
Baldr does nooot understand what else to do.
Baldr doesn't know how to reverse anything he has done.
Baldr's life is, basically, over and he doesn't smoke, get pregnant or do drugs.
He hates being older than Midgard itself.
Baldr is not as famous as his brother, Thor. Baldr is not as physically mighty as his father and his brother.
Baldr hates himself.
Baldr can't kill himself or harm himself without mistletoe.
But he hates it!
Baldr just wants to cry.
As far as depression goes, it's got a cause. It's about what has happened to him to make him feel bad about how popular he is among Midgard's denizens.
Alright, so why is Baldr not All-father of the Norse Pantheon? His frame is impregnable and he is full of wisdom and beauty.
He answered a call of duty on Midgard and has manned his station without complaint.
He has endured all sorts of accusations including one that made claim that Baldr was not, indeed, Baldr!
Oh, but Baldr did not know he'd deal with worse stupidity after.
And that he would lose his breast fat.
Why does father Odin and brother Thor get all of the fame?!
What's wrong with Baldr?
Baldr's breasts aren't as round and full as they used to be!
And...
He has a son who barely even speaks to him!
Dearest Forseti hates his father, Baldr.
He has exalted adoration for his uncle and grandfather!
Why did I do this?
WHY!?
OH MY NJORD!
And dearest Njord, it is...
Controversy and the scorn of fate has befallen Baldr!
For Njord's feet are cleaner than Baldr's!
Brethren Njord's wife, Skadi, should be Baldr's! She wanted Baldr!
But doom and gloom has befallen Baldr as Njord's feet be cleaner than his.
Baldr wants to fuck her brains out, but cannot betray his loyalties!
And Baldr's dearest father is an alcoholic and his brother's anger has marked him in Anger Management.
Baldr's siblings used to call him fat and he is second oldest! Baldr's wife, Nanna, says he has a retarded leg.
And since he was six, he's had prophetic nightmares of his demise! And that was when Baldr was beautiful because everyone always commented on how beautiful he was getting.
Baldr is sick of everyone being greater in the eyes of man than him and making him cry!
And he is sick of being the quiet one.
And he is sick of having no one to rule over.
Baldr is sick of being the most beautiful.
Baldr hates things the way they are!
PLEASE HELP!
Baldr doesn't know what to do!
About his popularity or anything.
Does it help that Baldr has a harem filled with thousands of fabulous wimmenz and he feels so sluggish and not good enough?
HUH.
Baldr feels guilty!
He just wishes...
He could go back in time.
And be like...
He was...
At the beginning of creation.
In fact, before any of this happened to him.
Baldr does not want to be monotheistic, but no thanks!
Baldr hates seeing all of his brethren more popular than he is and they're his level of divinity.
What can he do?
Please.

And don't tell Baldr it's his hormones or he should see Valhalla's alchemist.
This is his station and it's what is causing it.
It'll never change 'till he changes it.
And...
Baldr hates life.
Seriously.
Baldr doesn't even know who his mommy is anymore!
In fact...
He is crying right now.
And he doubts anyone will help him.
But if you'd take the time to read this...
Thanks.
And maybe even answer.
;[

__________________
Baldr's own "Poetic Edda":
• Breidablik's Field of Honor: Rules of Engagement
• How to Build an Aura.
• Baldr is better than you. Accept it.
• Why most women are morons.
• Baldr takes requests. Send him a visitor message if you want Baldr to write something in particular.

If you need to contact Baldr, please consider using the Visitor Message system before private messaging him.

Oh wow. Hilarious.

__________________

Over 9000 hours in MS Paint.

I would applaud you, but my applause is not worthy of this.
You're fantastic.
I still think the post you're parodying is funnier than this though.

Genius

(10 characters)

__________________
''The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark...''

First of all, 4 words: Shut The Fuck Up
You're doing more whining than actual talking you stupid bitch.

I want to punch you in your face on that shit about popularity. Who gives a shit? And you're bitching about being the most beautiful of your pantheon? I can't believe you'd rather be some stupid god better in the eyes of mortal man instead of one with the prospects of a good future.

It's your hormones and your low self-esteem.

And you're only 13 BILLION YEARS OLD. It's not the end of the world and you sure as hell know it so quit fucking whining. Hell, you probably know when it is.


Think about Fenrir, all the Fire Giants and Frost Giants and look at your life. And that's about as bad as it gets in Yggdrasil. Look at Hel or some other African fuckhole!


Then why the fuck did you post this?
Although some of your problems may be legitimate the style in which you posted this is fucking atrocioius.

__________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin

If there was a prize you'd win it, Shankist.

Yeah.
Shut the fuck up is all Baldr has done his entire fucking life!
Thank you, very "fucking" much.
If you're, quite, done making Baldr feel worse about his immortal life!
Maybe he needs to talk a Hel of a lot now and again.
For Njord sake!
Yes. Baldr's point exactly. Baldr wanted to see if anyone on Midgard could help him, but it looks like no one can help him.
Because, obviously, you didn't post to help him. You just posted to stop his fucking whining.
WELL, SORRY FOR WASTING YOUR TIME!
Maybe Baldr should start reading Prose Edda.

__________________
Baldr's own "Poetic Edda":
• Breidablik's Field of Honor: Rules of Engagement
• How to Build an Aura.
• Baldr is better than you. Accept it.
• Why most women are morons.
• Baldr takes requests. Send him a visitor message if you want Baldr to write something in particular.

If you need to contact Baldr, please consider using the Visitor Message system before private messaging him.

Sorry, my attention span doesn't run that long.
I'll assume it was great though.

__________________
Let's go CUBS!

TLK has yet to figure out whether you're merely mockingly pretending to be pissed or if you seriously are so retarded that you actually are.

Probably the latter, in which case. Prepare to be owned by Baldr. For eternity.

__________________

~~~I AM ARG'S OFFICIAL COLOR COMMENTATOR~~~

ONE MORE TIME!
Live. Breathe. Play.

SAVE_US.T.L.K

I'm pretty sure it's the former, TLK.
Not many people are THAT retarded...