Hello, first time poster here

I need some advice on somthing, and I apologise if the following post is long and rambolic, but its the first time I've actually tried to get it all down "on paper" as it were. Well here it goes:

For about 2 years now I have been getting bouts of depression. Every now and then I would get really miserable and see no posative side to my life or any actually success, and they would get quite bad, and I would actually start having physical pain in my chest, and a lump in the back of my throat that you get when you just want to scream.

They started off really bad, but as time went on they sort of got better, but now they really have come back with avengance and I have no idea what to do.

What doesn't help is the ambigeous nature of these attacks. I could be stressed or entirely unoccupied, and they occur at randoms times but usually last the rest of the day.

What makes it worse is that I feel I have no real reason to be depressed, I go to a very good school and get good grades, i have a stable family and a loving girlfreind, what more could someone ask for? and yet I'm moping about feeling miserable, which in turn makes me more miserable because I have no reason to be and I think I'm pathetic.

In between these bouts, if Im not activly doing somthing I just feel empty, like somthings missing, but as I said I have no reason to feel this so then it qutie often starts another "feel sorry for myself session"

I havn't become suicidal (yet i fear if this goes on it might) but its made me really not care about certain issues, like I just want to drink myself to obliteration (which I've tried twice) or take drugs just to forget about it.

My freind, who has actually been diagnosed Bi Polar says I should go to see a doctor about it, but I'm worried it would be forever branded on my medical records. I also don't want medication cos I think if i start having to take pills i would have "lost".

I'm probably being a weakling but it's really starting to get to me, what should I do?

Saxon

Saxon = Joke Account

Thank you Tony, at first I was cynical about posting somthing on an internet forum, but this has really been getting to me.

Obviously it was a pointless task for me to even attempt. Sorry to waste your time.

Hey, it's what I'm here for. Thanks for the apology too, I appreciate that

You probably have a general sense of malaise because everything is handed to you and you feel you have no purpose in life or anything to strive for.

How old are you, kid?

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hey,
i get like that.
is there something you dont want to admit to that might be getting to you? something u might feel ashamed about, something u dont want to talk about?