Alright so there's this kid at my school. He's always got something to say about everything. I mean literally everything he hears he has something smart-assy to say.

So this kid gets on my nerves a lot because he always talks about how he wants to get with my mom so bad and crap and he always talks about how supposedly "hot" she is. Now I'm not going to go and say my mom is hot because that's just.. creepish. Now I don't hate this kid, he can be cool sometimes but a lot of the time he's just a dickhole to people. I've tried insulting him but he always comes back with something. ALWAYS. I'm not going to downright punch him or anything because we're on a lot of the same sports teams and that would break us apart. How do I deal with this kid? Is there a comeback or comebacks that I can use when he talks about my mom? I need to find some witty things to say to him when he's being a jerk so any help would be appreciated. Something original that he probably hasn't heard before would be nice. Thanks.

"Yea..My mother said it took two hands for her to jack you off."
'Seriously..One to hold the tweezer and the other to hold the magnifying glass. seriously dude, you're like a legend with my mother. Congrat-u-fucking-lations"

Smile, of course.

I would go ahead and grow a thicker skin, pansy. your mom jokes got old in third grade.

__________________
------->Episode 6: Lab Partners and Mail away Brides<-------

Or you could say:
"Keep telling yourself that buddy, you might actually feel better about yourself. Give it time, your balls will eventually drop, I promise."

Hit him in the face infront of a load of girls.

__________________

"As long as there's free will, idiots will never learn"

"Your mom is like a shotgun; one cock and she blows"

A classic retort, but he might reply with something wittier than that, so I suggest using it only when you have victory in your grasp.

By the way, has he actually seen your mother? If so, she's basically attained what many men call "MILF status", meaning that no matter what you do or say they're always going to talk/fantasize about her (either in front of you or behind your back). Your only chance at stopping jokes like that is to make sure she's not seen again by them or beat the hell out of them. Unfortunately the latter for you is apparently out of the question

__________________
"The world will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll whisper, 'No.'" - Rorschach, Watchmen

I can understand you wish to avoid conflict, but be assertive to a certain degree. Stick up for yourself, do not let this asshat stomp all over you.

Yeah pretty much everyone's (on the sports teams) seen my mom. But he's the only idiot that constantly talks about her, even behind my back as Tony said.

And yeah I stick up for myself, but I'm obviously not very good at it because he never shuts up.

Tell him your Mom was just recently diagnosed with AIDS. I hope he enjoys it.

then he is a faggot, and has low self esteem. you should grow the fuck up, kid. if a simple comment like "your mom sucks my cock whatever" gets you down, how the hell are you going to cope with all of the other shit in life?

It wouldn't matter if he said the wittiest shit in the entire world. a your mom joke is the worst joke of all time. and a your mom comeback is just as bad. just let this kid run his course, or do one of the three things listed below.

1. grow a thicker skin
2. punch him in the face, when he says something offensive.
3. ignore him completely. don't acknowledge his existence.

__________________
------->Episode 6: Lab Partners and Mail away Brides<-------